In life, we don’t get to choose our parents and we don’t get to choose the circumstances of our childhood For many, where they’ve been planted is anything but ideal. But if you’re one of the lucky ones, you end up right in the middle of a fairy tale. That’s what it was like for me.
This June my parents will celebrate their 54 year wedding anniversary. In this day and age, that’s certainly something to celebrate. Not only for its length – lots of couples stay married whether or not they’re happy – but because it’s a perfect example of what a healthy, happy, and loving marriage should be. Their relationship has taught me many things, but what it’s taught me most is the meaning of true love.
As we approach February and are once again bombarded by the consumerism of another holiday, it’s easy to forget that love is about more than pretty hearts and yummy candy. So on this Valentine’s Day, I want to celebrate my parents’ love story. I think the world needs more reminders that true love does exist.
If there was a ever a poster marriage for #couplegoals, this is it…
They met on the front porch of a mutual friend’s house. It was Havana 1963, and it was love at first sight. My father took one look at my mother sitting on the railing of that porch, turned to his friend and said, “That’s the girl I’m going to marry”. Three months later, he did just that.
They’ve never spent a night apart (expect for he unfortunate time when they were both in the same hospital at the same time, but on different floors), have never said a negative word to each other or about the other, have never raised their voice to one another, and have never disrespected the other. Never. But my favorite thing about them is that after all these years together, their eyes still light up when they look at one another. They are lovers, best friends and partners in life. They are freaks of marriage nature and they should seriously teach a class.
That’s what I grew up witnessing. I had a front row seat to a fairy tale love story that you only see in movies. I never realized how how rare and special that is because that’s all I knew. That was my normal. In fact, I think I’ve taken it for granted most of my life. The longer I am married myself though — and it’s been 25 years for me, so no small feat either — the more I appreciate what a blessing that has been in my life.
First Corinthians…
It’s read in many weddings (mine included), but a lot of us probably never take the time to really listen to the words. At a recent wedding we attended, I found myself listening intently as the reader said these beautiful words, and I thought, “that’s my parents marriage in a nutshell.” They are the true embodiment of what that verse signifies:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”.
They’ve taught me the real meaning behind these words and much more…
The marriage is numero uno
My mother once told me, “kids grow up and eventually leave, and you’re left with your spouse. You need to make that a priority”. I didn’t understand it then, only thought she was putting us second. But the truth is, we never felt less than. We always felt loved — and most important, we felt the deep love of a husband and wife. Now that my husband and I are soon to be empty nesters her words ring true. If you don’t like each other, when the kids are gone, your marriage will most likely be gone too.
Don’t let it get stale
It isn’t about the big romantic gestures, but the little tokens of affection that keeps things fresh. To this day, my dad calls my mom when he’s not home and plays romantic music for her on the phone. Every morning he makes her coffee and takes it to her in bed. Even at age 72 my mom still dresses sexy for her man, and her man compliments her every time. They do little things for each other that the other will appreciate. And they have fun together. They go out dancing, have romantic dinners and travel alone or with friends. They are sweethearts and they keep it fresh.
The journey will have bumps in the road, but don’t take the exit ramp.
Marriage is never perfect. There have been times when life has been challenging, when money has been tight, children have been demanding, parents have needed care, or one of them has been ill. But you know what? They’ve never had an exit strategy. They just rolled with it and got through the bumps stronger and more united.
It’s an old fashioned marriage, so feminists would not approve. Many times throughout my life, specially during my rebellious teenage years, I disapproved of the way my mother submitted to my father. Especially when it came to disciplining me. He lovingly expected dinner on the table every night and he didn’t want her to work outside the home. Pa-leeze! But that was the agreement they made and it has worked for them.
My marriage looks nothing like my parents’. Their marriage would not work for me. We’re different people in a different time. I am not the submissive type. I do not always have dinner waiting, and when I do it’s already been cooked by the good folks at Whole Foods. Every relationship has to find its own groove.
There’s so much more I could say, so many examples I could give. My memory is chock full of heartfelt moments growing up wth these two lovebirds. To me real, lasting love is not just an idea, it’s a reality. A long marriage can have tough moments, and heartbreaking moments, but it can also be amazing. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s anything but.; some just make it look easy.
I owe my parents so much; they taught me (and still teach me) the true meaning of love. They set the bar high, that’s for sure. We don’t always reach those heights in our own marriage, but it’s a wonderful reminder (specially for the cynics) that true love does exist — and we all need more reminders of that. So if you’re lucky enough to be a witness to this type of love, or have it yourself, be thankful. If you’re not, never stop hoping. It exists, and not just in fairy tales.
I’d love to hear about a love story you admire. I think it’s so important to share and celebrate positive stories about love and marriage. Please share the love.
xoxo,
V