So over Valentine’s Day? Do this instead.

I have mixed feelings about Valentines Day. I believe that a holiday aimed at reinforcing the notion that your worth depends on whether or not someone loves you romantically is a damaging message. It can lead to loneliness, separation, feelings of unworthiness, and even depression. In a time when women empowerment is front and center, the message that needs to be sent is that we are strong, amazing women and that what another thinks of us does not define us – the love that matters most is our own.

Of course, every woman has her own set of life circumstances that determine how she feels about St. Valentine and his sidekick, Cupid. You probably fall under one of these categories:

1. You are happily coupled, flying high on the wings of love and you want to celebrate it. You don’t care that the holiday is over-hyped, or restaurants are busy and poorly staffed. You see life through heart-shaped goggles.

2. You are in a relationship but things aren’t going so great. You don’t feel appreciated enough, loved enough, or valued enough by your partner. Valentine’s Day only serves to remind you that your relationship falls short of the fairy tale.

3. You are in a stable, loving relationship but you are tired of Valentine’s Day expectations. You resent being forced to feel and act romantic, encouraged to participate in this team sport, and made to feel guilty if you’re not feeling all lovey-dovey–valentiney. Besides you are Marie Kondo-ing your life and don’t need more stuff! And for God’s sake, it was just Christmas, can we give the gift-buying a break?

4. You are happily single and don’t give a red hoot about Valentine’s Day. It comes and goes, and you look right past the balloons and hearts in your local drugstore and wonder where the hell they put your favorite body lotion, and why are all these hearts on the shelves instead?

5. You are not-so-happily single. You may be divorced or widowed and Valentine’s Day is a reminder of your circumstances. It brings up feelings of loneliness, exclusion, anxiety and loss. It’s a depressing holiday and you want the 14th ova!.

If you fall under any of those categories, except for number one, then I suspect you may be ready to ixsnay Valentine’s Day and do something a little different – something that’s sure to make you look forward to this day moving forward.

I propose that we replace Valentine’s Day with Self-love Day and focus on loving ourselves and making ourselves happy. This is similar to a regular self-care day except that it may include wine. And chocolate. Because why dismiss the good parts of this useless holiday? We take what we want and throw the rest away.

So I want to invite you to join me in a self-love day where you focus on YOU and all your awesomeness. And to help you celebrate, I listed some ideas for you that do not include a significant other. Think of it as a declaration of love to yourself from yourself and as a reminder that you are loved.

The focus this Valentine’s Day Self-Love Day is to celebrate everything that you love about you. Let go of who you think you should be and fall in love with who you are. And do things that spark joy (it’s very Marie Kondo).

1. Gift yourself something special 

You don’t need to wait for someone to buy you a Valentines Day gift, gift yourself something you have been eyeing. If you are Marie Kondo-ing your life and don’t want to add to the clutter, gift yourself a facial, a massage, a manicure, or a cosmetic treatment – something that will relax you, make you feel better about yourself, and that puts the spring in your inner chickie.

2. Forget the cheesy Valentine’s Day cards, write yourself a love note

Start with Dear Me, I love you… and list all of your amazing qualities. We all have them, even if most of the time they get pushed back by our negative thoughts, our quieted by our loud negative self-talk. You are a valuable, beautiful woman and are deserving of love. Remind yourself of that.

3. Nourish your body

Show your body that you care by eating healthy, whole foods on this Self-Love Day. Veggies, lean protein, fruit, and maybe a green juice. And don’t forget to drink lots of water to hydrate your youthful skin.

4. The gift of fit

Make it a point to work out on your Self-love Day. Go for a long walk, hit the gym (or gift yourself a gym membershp), or do a home workout. Exercise has been proven to improve your mood, so if you’re feeling down, move your body.

5. Give love to a pet

Animals give us unconditional love. Volunteer at your local pet adoption agency, or adopt a pet of your own. As a huge animal lover, I will tell you that you will never feel unloved when you have a pet.

6. Make a health appointmente

Nothing is more important than your health. Love yourself enough to make your needed Dr. appointments or screenings. Are you due for a mamogram or a pelvic exam? Have you had your moles checked? Colonoscopy? If you’ve been putting that off, do that for yourself. It’s the best gift of love you can give yourself.

Now you: Do you have any ideas for Self-love Day that you’d like to pass along? How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?

xoxo